TODAY'S PHOTO : Thanks to Wil ... a crab like creature photographed recently off the Madeira coast

Source : Diário de Notícias 7/5/2008

Friday sees the maiden arrival in Funchal of the biggest ever cruise ship on the high seas, and the first one of a new 'Genesis Class(?). Known as the 'Royal Caribbean' and launched on 30th April, it weighs 160,000 tonnes, is 339 metres long, 71 metres high, 56 metres wide, and cost €700 million to build. It has the capacity for nearly 4,400 passengers, and normally operates with nearly 1,400 crew members. It lists amongst its current passengers Lauren Bacall, Whoopi Goldberg, Steffi Graf, and Queen Sonia of Norway (I think).

A international covention of real estate agents is to hold its annual conference on Madeira between the 9th and 12th of this month, bringing 1,500 members of this dubious breed to our shores (see how restrained I can be!).

Source : Diário de Notícias 6/5/2008 - leftovers

Mothers Day was last Sunday, and the PSD/PS (main political parties) decided to give out it's own flowers to women (mothers?) in several towns. An act described by the Diario as "leaving perfume on the eve of elections".

The police had a busy weekend on the roads, with 13 drivers detained, including 11 for drink driving. Aside from Funchal (5), most of the drivers caught were from Ponta do Sol and Santa Cruz, and whilst I can't speak for the latter 'do Sol' seems to have the most stringent checks on the west side of Madeira. During the previous week on Madeira there were 10 accidents with 5 injuries, 67 vehicle breakdowns, and 18 'animal removals' occuring on or around the Via Rapidas.

Madeira's only official beer brewers (ECM) are best known locally and by visitors for the beer 'Coral'. They have just announced the launch of a new technically advanced product known as 'bottled water'. Originating in the serras (mountain range) between Pico do Areeiro and Chao da Lagoa, ECM have managed to tap into this marvellous resource to produce their new 'Atlantida' product.

Isn't that pretty much the same water we get through our taps at the moment, with a monthly water bill of just a few Euros? OK, who can blame them for 'tapping' into a lucrative market, where tourists are told not to drink the local water, and in certain less than honest establishments have been known to have been charged €6 for a bottle? ... but doesn't that mean that those same tourists are now going to be paying €6 for exactly the same water as comes through our taps?

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I mentioned a few days ago that I had aquired Easyjet tickets for my latest journey, and I have to say I went very smoothly and everything happened as it should have done. The only odd thing was the boarding procedure, which worked as intended, but must have at one time appeared somewhat peculiar to the Madeiran staff at the airport as well as the passengers. The rule is that the first 40(?) passengers to 'check in' get to board first. I was at the airport very early, so managed to check in with the first 10 travellers, and was relishing my privileged position in a boarding system which doesn't pre-allocate passenger seating. I stood close to the boarding gate and waited, just in case I had been misinformed, previsualising my front row window seat, free extra legroom, view over Madeira as we flew out, and of course first stab at the overhead baggage locker.

It didn't quite happen! The Easyjet representative first of all called for 'Speedy Boarding Passengers' to form one queue (these people had apparently paid £10/€12 for the privilege of boarding before anyone else). Then they they called for 'special assistance' flyers to form the second queue. This consisted of people with walking sticks and/or babies. They were to be allowed through next. Then they called everyone with an 'A' written on their tickets, that included me, and they did check that I had the required 'A'. The rest of the passengers were then ordered to form queue 'B', which also happened without problems.

So we now had four queues ... 'Speedy boarders' (people with more money than sense), 'Special assistence' (people who knew beforehand to take a walking stick or borrow someones kid), 'A's (people like me who were by now confused and bemused, and superior people than the 'B's), and 'B's (latecomers and low status passengers who had no right to decent seats).

OK I was getting the hang of it now, so the 'Speedy boarders' were called though first, and I presume that was always the case whether or not you had a wheelchair or were clinically dead (unfortunately there was no one in this  state able to prove my point). It may be that sometimes there is a fifth queue with overall priority, for people with walking sticks and/or kids who also pay the extra £10/€12. They then called the 'Special Assistance' group who went through the boarding gate next.

Of course by now I had seen 25+ people go through the gate in front of me, and my dream seat had faded away. Add to that the 6 people who had managed  to sneak in front of my number one place in queue 'A', while I was too busy inspecting the disabilities of the 'special assistance' group ... looking for white parents with coloured babies, walking sticks with price labels still attached, or at the very least some odd twitches or hospital slippers.

After what seemed an eternity, but was in fact only a few seconds, queue 'A' were called forward to the boarding gate. You can imagine my surprise to find outside a bus with 25+ passengers already on board. Looking out to our plane to work out which side we would be leaving our bus, I managed to secure a standing place near to the bus exit door, and it was just a question then of pushing and tripping up a few people in order to get to my dream seat on the airplane.

Owing to overwhelming feelings of generosity and chivalry (and possibly a little guilt), I eventually ended up with a window seat in row 3, but with plenty of locker space. I was happy with that, but now I know the ropes for the future I am confident that I can get that extra leg room, without paying the idiots fee.

Did you know that the canned drinks machine in the downstairs departure lounge sells cans of Coke etc. for €1 (which isn't cheap), but you cannot take it through security. If you buy the same can from a vending machine after the security checks it costs €1.50. If you buy the equivalent volume of Coke on board the plane, it's around €1 more. It's nice to hear that someone is making a good profit out of terrorism!

The only other thing warranting mention, is the price list magazine for onboard purchases (drinks, food, perfumes, and stupid model EJ planes etc.). We travelled on the last day of the month, so we had the old magazine which presumably would have been replaced the next day. I was interested to see whether due to the strong Euro and the weak British Pound had actually made anything value for money, I looked at a selection of prices and the conversion rates, and decided that some 'price manipulation' had taken place. Some prices that had not changed, and were still using €1.50=£1. Other seemed to have been hiked to suit the new exchange rates, for example the £ price had been increased to suit the old € level. Anyway, we made the 3 hour+ journey without purchasing anything, so all in all we had a pretty good deal.

PS: Please note the truth has been stretched for entertainment purposes.

(note for Diary ... next Easyjet flight - buy walking stick and shuffling slippers : back up plan - take tippex and blue biro).

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